I'm in a funk.

continuation of last post:

because I really liked the days when everyone had a blog and you could read about what other people were up to, thinking, etc.

I wish blogger was still popular.

When I look back at my blog I feel embarrassed about the amount of complaining I've done.

Some days I feel like I'm just floating through life. Some days I feel like I'm really living it.

I want to feel more like I'm living it everyday.

I really am a blue personality because this gets me every time

"You don't know," said Sissy, half crying, "what a stupid girl I am. All through school hours I make mistakes. Mr. and Mrs. M'Choakumchild call me up, over and over again, regularly to make mistakes. I can't help them. They seem to come naturally. (...) [T]oday, for instance, Mr. M'Choakumchild was explaining to us about Natural Prosperity. (...) And he said, Now, this schoolroom is a Nation. And in this nation there are fifty millions of money. Isn't this a prosperous nation? Girl number twenty, isn't this a prosperous nation, and an't you in a thriving state?"

"What did you say?" asked Louisa.

"Miss Louisa, I said I didn't know. I thought I couldn't know whether it was a prosperous nation or not, and whether I was in a thriving state or not unless I knew who had got the money, and whether any of it was mine. But that had nothing to do with it. It was not in the figures at all," said Sissy, wiping her eyes.

"That was a great mistake of yours," observed Louisa.

"Yes Miss Louisa, I know it was now. Then Mr. M'Choakumchild said he would try me again. And he said, This schoolroom is an immense town, and there are a million of inhabitants, and only five and twenty are starved to death in the streets, in the course of a year. What is your remark on that proportion? And my remark was-- for I couldn't think of a better one-- that I thought it must be just as hard upon those who were starved, whether the others were a million, or a million million. And that was wrong too."

"Of course it was."

Then Mr. M'Choakumchild said he would try me once more... And I find (Mr. M'Choakumchild said) that in a given time a hundred thousand persons went to sea on long voyages, and only five hundred of them were drowned or burnt to death. What is the percentage? And I said Miss;" here Sissy fairly sobbed as confessing with extreme contrition to her greatest error; "I said it was nothing."

"Nothing, Sissy?"

"Nothing, Miss-- to the relations and friends of the people who were killed. I shall never learn!"

-Charles Dickens, Hard Times p. 93-94.

At Last

https://cs.byu.edu/animation

How did this not occur to me until now?

Drama Queen

Maybe that last post was a little dramatic.

I realize I do this every semester but lately I feel more and more envious of people who study and do things that they love to do. Lately I feel like I've been fated to study computer science. This isn't to say that I don't enjoy some things about computer science. But it's just an incredibly demanding major for someone who only likes some things about it. So here's to 54 more credit hours of classes whose titles fill me with despair.

Everytime I get on Facebook I get depressed.
This makes me want to delete it.

If biorythms are real it's been one hell of a week. Actually, even if biorhythms aren't real, it's still been one hell of a week. 

Mind vs Being

"What are we talking about when we speak of our "selves"? What do the words mean with which we try to describe our so-called "selves"? My own self is indescribable. So is yours. My description of myself is not my self anymore than a description of a rose is a rose.

Having an image of who we are and how we should behave is a great constraint on us. Escape from the mind happens in spite of, rather than because of, our self-image, whether it's a good one or a bad one. Anyone who thinks a good self-image is important is full of shit.

The only way you can tell the truth when talking about your so-called 'self' is to report it as an image you have. You are an imaginary person to yourself. You'd like for other people to imagine you the way you want them to. You spend a lot of time sculpting your image in the eyes and minds of others. It is an interesting game, but if it becomes the point of living it is a waste of life. It is in obedience to the rules of this game that people lose the playful freedom that had them start playing games in the first place. When you are talking about yourself, you can't be telling the truth about anything but an imagining [sic?] you have."

does two views a day
mean i'm significant or
insignificant?

The further back in time I go into my blog the more it bores me.

I guess that only makes sense.

Things I'm Super Into Lately

Disclaimer: I realize (from hearsay and observation of my own behavior) that when people post videos on Facebook or on blogs that people rarely watch them. I realize this. Also, I am very guilty of barely skimming when people post lists of things that they love, etc. So in posting this, I realize that no one is probably going to even pay attention or watch this. But this is more for me than for you I guess. There's something about taking everything you like and sticking it together and enjoying it. It helps define you as a person, to mostly yourself (but as a side effect, to others). So without further ado...

Inspirational Sayings

Sometimes when I hear inspirational analogies I think, oh that's nice. But then I start thinking, wait, why I should I believe that I have any likeness to a X thing? Let me give you an example. I recently read this, "Before you grow you first need roots" (No offense Whitney). And then I started thinking about what that possibly meant and how that could help me grow.

Then I thought, wait a minute, why should I believe that my ability to grow as a person has any similarity whatsoever to the physical growing process of a plant?

And I don't have the answer.

Since kids are generally finicky about what they eat, why do so many of them unquestioningly eat their own boogers? Could eating your own boogers actually be a natural inclination? Are we suppressing our desires for eating boogers?

(Note: I am not about to begin eating my own boogers nor encouraging others to do so. I'm just raising the question. Even if I'm a victim of socialization here, I'll stay socialized.)

in addition to the post before the last

It is funny that I have a hard time finding things to say as I often feel this daily anxiety that I have too much to do or say or contribute that never gets done or said or contributed.

I feel like there is this huge pot of potential that just stays there in the pot. In my fantasies I say and do a lot of things that I never actually say or do.

One day I'll figure out how to live out loud.

One of my favorite things is when I read something that basically sums up everything that I think. Recently there have been two things that have done this for me: 1) Self-Reliance by Ralph Waldo Emerson and 2) nearly everything written by Epictetus.

Well, there is one exception to Self-Reliance, the part where he says talks about the poor. Actually, to be honest, I'm not really sure what he's saying there; it's sort of confusing to me. But if he is saying (like I think he is) that he owes no responsibility to the poor because they are "not his poor" then I would disagree. (Since this post is not how I disagree with Emerson, but rather how I agree, I won't expound on this any further.)

For me personally, I have a found a lot of fulfillment and success when I rely on my own thoughts, feelings, and instincts rather than attempt to mimic or imitate others, and for this reason, this essay really struck a note with me.

There is a time in every man's education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance; that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself for better, for worse, as his portion; that though the wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil bestowed on that plot of ground which is given to him to till. The power which resides in him is new in nature, and none but he knows what that is which he can do, nor does he know until he has tried.

What I must do is all that concerns me, not what the people think. This rule, equally arduous in actual and in intellectual life, may serve for the whole distinction between greatness and meanness. It is the harder, because you will always find those who think they know what is your duty better than you know it. It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.

That last sentence really hits the nail on the head for me.

Lately I have an urge to blog more but I am finding that I have a hard time having things to say. This used to never be a problem for me. I also find the same thing on Facebook. I'll think I want to stir the Facebook waters (because I am a sucker for this crap and I love signing into Facebook and having multiple Facebook notifications) but I look around and then find I have nothing to say to anyone.

Usually I analyze my life to a point that I have an explanation for everything, but in this case, I really have no explanation as to why this is so.

Law of Averages

fever dream

Sometimes I hate this town. Sometimes I hate people that hate this town.

My birthday is on the 15th

We'll meet at MadelAnn's and then we'll play kickball at a nearby park or elementary school 6 ~ 7:30, then dinner, then a dance party from 9 - 10.

Bring bikes, etc. (or a car if necessary) to get to the park.

The Jonas Bros will be there

NOT!

Baby Jonas can't hack it.

C-H-U-M-P

Madeline and Carol Ann's House
329 E 300 N
Provo, UT
6:00 pm

I'm back, CHUMPS!

After mulling it over for the past few hours, I've decided to end my blogging hiatus. I stopped because I felt like people didn't care what I had to say. This may or may not have been a projection. But I realize that there are at least a few people who are very interested in what I have to say. Furthermore, I think blogging is helpful in many other ways than just having readers. I think it's a good way to formulate your ideas and opinions when you think you may have a potential audience.

Move On

Sometimes I get to a point in my life when I look back at my own blog and think, "I'm ready to move on now." As in, I look back to the themes and ideas that dominated my life during that period of time and I decide that I no longer care about them in the same way. Then I decide it's time to move on to a new chapter and leave some ideas, opinions, and angst behind. Or maybe not so much leave them behind, but transcend to a new level and refocus them in different ways.

That time has come for me now.

Every week I have to post a response in a forum for my English Reading Series class. Often when someone says something I disagree with I will immediately open up a new tab and search for them on Facebook. Most times I can't find a page but sometimes I do. Then I look at their pictures and mock them and insult them in the best ways I can think possible in my head.

Dear everyone that has an opinion about anything that is different than mine:

You are responsible for the earthquake in Japan. Better start changing your opinions to conform with mine if you know what [me and, therefore, God think] is good for ya.

Thanks,
Dallin

I need a blog renaissance but I can't think of anything I want to say lately.

Winter, get out of the way so Summer can sit down

Meet Me

INTPs are quiet, thoughtful, analytical individuals who tend to spend long periods of time on their own, working through problems and forming solutions. They are curious about systems and how things work. Consequently, they are frequently found in careers such as science, architecture, and law. INTPs tend to be less at ease in social situations or in the "caring professions," although they enjoy the company of those who share their interests. They prize autonomy in themselves and others. They generally balk at attempts by others to convince them to change. They also tend to be impatient with the bureaucracy, rigid hierarchies, and the politics prevalent in many professions. INTPs have little regard for titles and badges, which they often consider to be unjustified. INTPs usually come to distrust authority as hindering the uptake of novel ideas and the search for knowledge. INTPs accept ideas based on merit, rather than tradition or authority. They have little patience for social customs that seem illogical or that serve as obstacles for pursuing ideas and knowledge. This may place them at odds with people who have an SJ preference, since SJs tend to defer to authority, tradition, and what the rest of the group is doing. INTPs prefer to work informally with others as equals.

INTPs organize their understanding of any topic by articulating principles, and they are especially drawn to theoretical constructs. Having articulated these principles for themselves, they can demonstrate remarkable skill in explaining complex ideas to others in simple terms, especially in writing. On the other hand, their ability to grasp complexity may also lead them to provide overly detailed explanations of simple ideas, and listeners may judge that the INTP makes things more difficult than they need to be. To the INTPs' mind, they are presenting all the relevant information or trying to crystallize the concept as clearly as possible.

Given their independent nature, INTPs may prefer working alone to leading or following in a group. During interactions with others, if INTPs are focused on gathering information, they may seem oblivious, aloof, or even rebellious—when in fact they are concentrating on listening and understanding. However, INTPs' extraverted intuition often gives them a quick wit, especially with language. They may defuse tension through comical observations and references. They can be charming, even in their quiet reserve, and are sometimes surprised by the high esteem in which their friends and colleagues hold them.

INTPs are driven to fully understand a discussion from all relevant angles. Their impatience with seemingly indefensible ideas can make them particularly devastating at debate. When INTPs feel insulted, they may respond with sudden, cutting criticism. After such an incident, INTPs are likely to be as bewildered as the recipient. They have broken the rules of debate and exposed their raw emotions. To INTPs, this is the crux of the problem: improperly handled emotions, INTPs believe, can only harm. While INTPs experience emotions as an important part of their internal lives, and sometimes share their emotions with others, INTPs nevertheless believe that emotions must not play a role in logical discussions, or be expressed in a way that would put themselves at disadvantage.

All Nighta

Still haven't slept yet. God bless you, BYU. (Read: Burn in Hell, BYU.)

This is one of my nephews, Jake Richard Skinner. I love this photo of him. He has chocolate on his face, he still wears diapers, and he still has some trouble pronouncing words but he still looks bad-a.

Tumblr

I remade my tumblr blog. dallinnskinner.tumblr.com. I've been wanting to remake it for a while and make my own custom layout, but, I never got around to doing it, so for now I am using a pre-made (but awesome) theme and posting stuff I like and also stuff I make.

Get a Move On

Looking back through my blog made me realize that there is still some serious distance between the person I want to believe I am and the person I am.

Crises

Identity/Existential

Burnout

I have no desire to go to class tomorrow. I have no desire to go to work tomorrow. Neither of these things excite me in the least.

I want to be well, I want to be well

Seriously. I don't want to be sick anymore. I usually don't get sick that often. It's almost been two weeks. Maybe this is a sign I need to eat healthier, or take vitamins, or something.

"Dallin Noel Skinner"

The best part about my name is that a Google search for "Dallin Noel Skinner" (quotes included) contains only results that are actually about me and not some other chump. The one, the only, the greatest.

I'm dedicating the rest of my life to living as out loudly as possible.

Check Me Out

Here

This is the story of a[n even bigger] champion

From my Independent Study instructor:

I can't remember when it has been more pleasing to read student essays than with yours on Plato and Aristotle. I was actually disappointed when you cut lesson 10 short. I really wanted to see what else you had to say.

I congratulate you for the intelligent way you've engaged the texts and look forward to reading your last exams.

This is the story of a champion

I finally finished my online class. I am now truly free again for the first time in 15 months. Time for some hobbies.