This is really funny

passion

Lately I find myself saying "I hate/love that" more. It started sort of as a joke to me because that's what my 3 year old nephew says. He is always one extreme or the other. But now I think it feels good to say. One time, back in the days of diaryland, I wrote a post about how I didn't like to feel passionate about anything.

Those days are gone.

Transitions

Whenever I go through some sort of transition I go through what I am going to call Transitional Depression. I almost always look forward to things changing and then when they actually do, all of a sudden I realize what is happening and feel sort of depressed for a few days. I'm not even able to pinpoint what it is that I feel depressed about exactly. I just feel it.

?

Today I tried to come to my own blog on campus and hit the firewall.

I'm attempting to be known as Noel in my new ward. This is weird for me to get used to, but, there are so many dallins these days that I'm getting sick of being 1 of 5.

Sometimes I regret that I wasn't more mischievous as a kid. I don't really mean I wish I would've gone around getting girls pregnant and spreading STDs, burning down buildings, killing people, etc. but just other things, sluffing* class, sneaking out at night, toilet papering, etc.

I feel like this created an unhealthy fear of criticism or discipline instead of getting used to the fact that not everyone will agree or like what you do or have to say, I was constantly sort of weaseling around trying to please everyone. I wish I would've learned to accept discipline or criticism and then positively bounce back from it instead of just avoiding it like the plague. Even though I have gotten over it some, I still feel like I have a ton of conditioned responses to situations where I avoid disappointing someone or behaving in a way that could generate criticism purely as a knee-jerk reaction without even thinking. Basically this converts into me trying to living up to perceived expectations, which is silly, for multiple reasons.

Also, I wish I would've realized that there is no inherit goodness in rules. Just because a rule exist doesn't mean it should. Some rules are better than other rules. Some rules are more justified than other rules. But as a kid, to me, at times it seemed like every single rule was by default justified and any deviance from rules was "bad" and if I deviated from it, which I did at times anyways, deep down inside I felt guilty and that I would've been better off not having done it. I even at times would feel unnecessary guilt for things that weren't even rules.

And, frankly, I find mischievous people to be a whole lot more interesting than people who are terrified of breaking rules. Mostly because, in my opinion, they usually have a better ability to see things as they really are and think for themselves.

Obviously there needs to be balance in all things, but my point is that I feel that on the spectrum of amount of obedience to rules that both extreme sides are unhealthy and negative. Complete disregard of anything can be dangerous but also absolute regard of everything can have negative impacts too.



*(Side note: I couldn't care less if they call it something else where you're from. It's a word, used to communicate an idea, and if you know what I'm talking about then it's job is finished. Who cares about particulars here. Your vocabulary is not better than mine. Your state is not better than mine. Your culture is not better than mine. Get over yourself and your accent or whatever other stupid, menial, fragile crap you base your self-esteem on.)

Iceberg Beliefs

Strengthen Resiliency: Avoid Emotional Icebergs

I was just reading this article about "iceberg beliefs" and found it very interesting. Basically, an iceberg belief is some sort of fixed idea that we hold that we expect to be absolutely true about the world around us. They don't always have to be bad but I feel most of the time, if someone isn't self-aware and self-honest enough to check themselves they cause more harm than good.

Basically, an iceberg belief is some sort of stupid, catchy little saying that you are taught as a kid and accept it to be true without ever really challenging it, or thinking that you need to challenge it. The articles suggests also that many times when we recognize that we have an emotional overreaction to a situation that we know doesn't deserve that kind of reaction it is because on the surface we logically realize it's stupid but deep down we have just collided with one of our "iceberg beliefs".

For example:

Dan’s iceberg belief is, “People must respect me at all times.” As he’s driving to work, someone cuts him off. He spends the rest of the commute riding the guy’s ass, cursing, and flashing his high beams.

Jeff’s iceberg belief is “Manliness can be judged by how good you are with the ladies.” He approaches an attractive woman, and she totally blows him off. James feels deeply hurt and spends the rest of the week replaying the moment and feeling angry and depressed.

Joe’s iceberg belief is that “A man never quits what he starts.” His son Jeremy comes to him one night and tells him that he’s quitting the hockey team because he doesn’t enjoy it anymore. Joe becomes enraged at his son, telling him he’s a loser for giving up, and he’ll never amount to anything in life.

One of the most frustrating things to me is when people hold these sorts of iceberg beliefs but refuse to give them up when they are actually causing them more harm than good. They don't realize that that which they are clinging onto is really holding them back from what would actually make them happy. Or when people completely misjudge and write-off situations because of some stupid held belief that isn't always true. Or they refuse to do certain things, get to know certain people, etc. because of some silly belief that they think the entire world also believes and obeys but really doesn't. Or especially, when someone tries to hold you back from what you really want because they are demanding that you obey some silly belief that they hold. Really they are just projecting their insecurity onto you and trying to protect you from what makes them uncomfortable.

Iceberg beliefs can almost all be traced to the way you were brought up. If your dad was a super stoic guy, “Men don’t show emotion,” might be one of your icebergs. If your mom was Miss Manners, one of your iceberg beliefs might be: “People who are impolite are not worth knowing.”

I also wish people in this world were more familiar with confirmation bias, because this allows people to continue living under false delusions and clinging to false self-defeating beliefs and behaviors solely because they only choose to recognize and acknowledge evidence that coincides with what they already know and ignore any evidence that suggests anything else. Even if there is more evidence for the opposing side.

So Gary believes, “All women are untrustworthy and manipulative.” At the start of his relationship with Sarah, she tells him that she isn’t looking to date anyone seriously. After a few weeks Gary tells Sarah that he wants to become more serious, and she tells him that they shouldn’t see each other anymore because that’s not what’s she’s looking for. Gary will seize on this snub, while ignoring what Sarah told him at the beginning of their relationship, and will declare that women are all a bunch of liars and Sarah just wanted him to take her out and pay for her meals. He may even seek out women who are untrustworthy and manipulative, to unconsciously confirm his bias. The mind can be a tricky thing.