Reading List

Books I want to read and/or finish:

• On The Road - Jack Kerouac
• The Autobiography of Malcolm X
• Breakfast of Champions - Kurt Vonnegut
• The Art of Loving - Erich Fromm

When I started this I really felt like there were more. I guess not. Any suggestions anyone?

Dear Dallin

I just wrote an e-mail to myself. I pretended like it was a weekly e-mail home like a missionary letter and I wrote about my observations about that week, what I felt, what I wanted and at one point I gave myself chills because what I said was so cool. I feel so good right now. That was the best idea I've ever had.

Dear Soc 112 Class

I've been regretting that I didn't raise my hand and tell this to your face so now I guess the best I can do is a somewhat passive-aggressive blog post that none of you will (most likely) never ever read; however, I still feel like putting it out there anyways.

The fact that you could honestly think that you "worked harder" and thus deserved to get into BYU where you could study and thus have more opportunities to make more money is completely absurd to me. First of all, what actually are you referring to as "working hard?" I heard you mention extra-curricular activities and once again, how is it that you can think that by joining extracurricular activities you were "working harder"? I know several kids who worked part time after school who don't have the opportunities that you have and I think it's complete bullshit that you think that by joining choir you were "working harder" than the kid who went home and worked on the farm, or the kid who worked construction, or even the kid working at the convenient store after school instead of choir/football/whatever it was that you did that was such "hard work". First of all, philosophically I think it's going to be very hard to define what exactly "work" is and how you can define when someone is working "hard" and that you are "working harder" than they are. Do you have some sort of hard work-o-meter that at the end of the day you hold up to yourself and tells you, "today you did 65.84 hard-work-a-units" and then you check your neighbors and see they only did 33.5? And second of all, even if you did have such a contraption and there were some way to objectively measure "hard work" I could hardly convince myself that you were exerting more "hard work" than everyone else. I'm sure you worked harder than some, but I doubt you worked as much as you are telling yourself you did.

Here's the thing, it's not that I'm mad at you for having the opportunities that you have, any more than I can be mad at myself, it just bothers me that you are telling yourself that you somehow earned it. I'm mad at you for thinking that you actually deserve them more than someone else. You don't. I think it's screwed up that there are people who have had to work a lot harder to gain advantages that I have; however, I don't expect anyone to just give up the opportunities that they have. I'm just asking you let go of your false sense of superiority and entitlement, pull your head out of your ass and try to have a little more sympathy and understanding for those who aren't privileged. Because you aren't better than them, no matter how many [fill in your own favorite adjective] extracurricular activities you did in high school.

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

If I could somehow permanently put my brain into the state that it gets in at a good dance party all of my problems would be solved for the rest of my life.

Which basically means, if I could just somehow break out of all my inhibitions permanently I'd be set and all my wildest dreams would come true. But I feel like every time I go to sleep and wake up they all come back.

I often feel like most people would really love me if I could be my uninhibited normal self, but I feel like that is hidden under layers of other stuff, basically insecurity, which I don't want to admit, but I'm doing it anyway. But I feel like that part doesn't ever fully come out that often but is most within reach right after a dance party.