ocasión que se pasó, pájaro que voló

Often times I think I live under a false delusion that everything that happens will happen and it's what is supposed to happen. Not that I'm denying that sometimes strange coincidences happen which seem too much to be coincidences, because I've seen a lot of stuff like that, but, too many times I become too passive thinking that life will just hand whatever to me. While I don't believe in flipping out over circumstances that aren't under our control or flipping out when things don't go as planned, I believe that many times I underestimate how much is in my power to make my "dreams" come true and how easily those "dreams" could be realized if I was willing to exert more effort into making them happen.

Oftentimes I don't try because I don't think I can at the present moment. Although I usually do have an attitude, sometimes possibly too much, that I could do anything if I really wanted to, I often find myself wanting to, but never doing it--mostly because I never try. "I could do that if I wanted to. Maybe someday I'll try." Then I never try. Then I find myself living under some sort of false comfort that important opportunities will never be missed.

Today the realization started to hit me that some opportunities are gone forever if you don't take advantage of them. It's easy to look back and see how events or decisions, seemed crucial in getting you to where you are and you think, "Wow, I never would have gotten to where I'm at if I hadn't taken those decisions." Which seems magical and profound, but isn't. Of course it's easy to see how certain actions led you to where you are. You're there aren't you? But do we ever stop to ask ourselves that out of the millions of possible options we had to take that we couldn't have ended up someplace a lot better than where we are? If I make a decision at X point in time and end up at Y I often look back and think, "Look how choosing such and such option at X point in time led me to point Y. I sure am grateful for that." But how do I know that taking the other option at X wouldn't have led me to a Z that is actually much better than Y? I don't. Especially if the decision I made at X was to do nothing instead of do something. Can I really be grateful and content with where I'm at if I don't know where I could possibly be? Not realizing this is usually the key to my unhealthy contentment with not acting or pursuing something I want to pursue. Things will always work out, but that doesn't mean I can't make an attempt at making them better if it's something in my power.

Of course, once the past is gone it is healthy to just accept that the past is the past/a lo hecho, pecho/no use crying over spilled milk. And I don't write this to be pessimistic or ungrateful for everything that I have but to realize that I need to act now, today, all days. It is better to try and fail, then to not try at all. Trying and failing will bring experience and expand you as a person more than staying in the comfort zone will. One option will expand you and the other will just leave you the exact same as yesterday.